The sounds of silence. 

Roy F McCampbell

What does silence sound like? Many different things I guess, but the silence I’m talking about is the silence of a Narcissist and his cronies.

Things have been very quiet from the McCampbell Camp these days. He is not seen in public often, has not attended School Board meetings, not seen at school before or after, and when he does appear is disheveled and a mess. To most this is a good thing, yet there are those who consider this with a sense of foreboding. Silence from a man who has spent considerable amounts of his time and energy making his imaginary plight know to all is always a curious thing, and something to be considered.

Narcissists will invoke the silent treatment upon a partner for days, weeks, and even longer, often with no explanation, as a way to control and demoralize their victim. Narcissists are keen on using the Silent Treatment as a cruel (but not unusual) punishment for doing nothing wrong at all and, from my experience, I will tell you that the affect of this method of control is sheer torture. 

In this example we are possibly witnessing the narcissistic signal-stimulus-hibernation mini-cycle. Narcissists go through euphoric and dysphoric cycles. These are long cycles. They are dilated, all encompassing, all consuming and all-pervasive. They are different from manic-depressive cycles (in the Bipolar Disorder) in that they are reactive, caused by easily identifiable external events or circumstances. 

For instance: the narcissist reacts with dysphoria and anhedonia when he loses his Pathological Narcissistic Space, or in a major life crises (financial problems, divorce, imprisonment, loss of social status and peer appreciation, death in the family, crippling illness, etc.).

Suddenly, and often for no apparent reason, he becomes subdued, depressed, devoid of energy, pessimistic, and “zombie-like”. He oversleeps, his eating patterns change, he is slow and pays no attention to his external appearance or to the impression that he leaves on others. 

The contrast is very sharp and striking. While in the manic phase, the narcissist is talkative and gregarious. In the depressive phase he is passively-aggressively silent and schizoid. He vacillates between being imaginative and being dull, being social and being antisocial, being obsessed with time management and achievement and lying in bed for hours, being a leader and being led.

These mini-cycles, though outwardly manic-depressive (or cyclothymic) are not. They are the result of subtle fluctuations in the volatile flow of Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist is addicted to Narcissistic Supply: admiration, adoration, approval, attention and so on. All his activities, thoughts, plans, aspirations, inspiration, and daydreams – in short, all the aspects of his life – are dedicated to regulating the  flow of such supply and to rendering it relatively stable and predictable. 

Nacissistic supply has been cut off in his community, but is he in a silent treatment phase or is he getting his Narcissistic Supply elsewhere?

David C Stachura, Patricia Godziszewski, John Kowalski   to name just a few. 

There’d be no such thing as narcissistic abuse if it weren’t for the enablers. These are the folks who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in, and demand that it stop. They have the power to do so. All it would take is for one or two courageous souls to say “no, this is not okay.” But, for various reasons, enablers elect to remain “neutral.”

The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades. Abusing someone isn’t nearly as much fun if it’s only a party of two. With a crowd, there’s unlimited potential for drama. The narcissist gets to pull a lot more strings that way.

If it were just the abuser, and his target, it would hardly be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign.

That’s because the narcissist labors to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal that comes from the camp of these enablers is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.

Targets, especially if this plays out at work, or in a social setting, watch as, one by one, the people they thought were their friends, slink away when the battle intensifies.

Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn’t absolve you of guilt. In fact, when you do this, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.

Some enablers even take it a step beyond, and switch from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into “flying monkeys” (David Stachura, Patricia Godziszewski, and John Kowalski) who carry out small attacks to secure their position on the bully’s good side.

Those fighting against the enablers and Narcissistic Bully – Richard Flanagan, Mary Ann Desecki, Alison M Downs, Diana Caffero, Jeremy Hargus, and more recently Tina Ewanio

The truth of the matter is – and this applies to any situation where we get that uncomfortable feeling – whatever we allow is what will continue. If we allow the narcissist to disappear and reappear…to give us the deafening silent treatment…to press the proverbial relationship reset button whenever he feels like it…then he will continue to do so until the end of time. Keep in mind that, to a narcissist, this kind of abuse never gets old. He loves it. It makes him feel gloriously alive and in control. If you allow it, he’s in narcissistic heaven.

What we allow, will continue. It has for years in School District 81. In the end, we can only hope he leaves for good, but that remains unknown. He has been limited, and outed by the people listed above. Recently the fight against the Nacissist escalated and not more then a word since. Obviously, whoever is currently on the other receiving end of his narcissistic evil is being compliant. To them, I say good luck with that

WHAT WE ALLOW WILL CONTINUE, STAND UP AND SPEEK OUT! 

After Narcissistic Abuse

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