help-rejecting complainers


Reminder for our SD81 families and community members: Tomorrow night at 6:00 pm at Kennedy is the information meeting about the Kennedy School addition. Please take this opportunity to learn about how overcrowding and growing enrollment is being addressed at Kennedy. We look forward to seeing you there. Thank you.

The quote above was taken from the SD81 Facebook Page (Found Here).

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, all School Board meetings are important, but there are some that are more important then others.

The last few months have produced a lot of exciting and important things in our district. This meeting will be no exception, and equally as important is the community forum before the meeting.

Please join School District 81 for an information session on the Kennedy School Construction Project

When: Wednesday, January 20th, 2016

Where: Kennedy Elementary School

Time: 6:00 pm


6:00 pm – 6:15 pm – Kennedy Tours

(The public will have the opportunity to tour Kennedy School and view why Kennedy School requires additional space to meet student occupancy needs and address safety concerns.)

6:15 pm – 6:30pm – Presentation

6:30 – 6:45 – Breakout Q&A session

(The SD81 administration will answer questions from the public. Members of the public will write out their questions and provide their contact information. If a question requires follow-up or cannot be answered without review and research, the District will respond as soon as possible.)

This is a fantastic opertunity for any, and I mean absolutely any community members that have questions they want answered to find those very answers. All the people in the know will be in attendance. (Maybe even some people not in the know).

Several weeks ago, during a Q-and-A event I attended, a woman raised an issue, she’s normally a very negative person, and she’s always complaining. I try to be positive and helpful, but nothing I say helps. I suggest all sorts of things to help cheer her up or explain the situation ‘Why don’t you Attend a meeting?’ ‘Why don’t you talk to so and so who can answer your questions?’ ‘Why don’t you call This person or that person?’ But she just say no, no, no.
I don’t have any great insights to offer, but an article I recently read got me thinking back on that conversation.
In a paper called “Complaining” by Robin Kowalski and Janet Erickson, in a fascinating volume, Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors (I try to read these books so you don’t have to), I read a description of “help-rejecting complainers.”
A “help-rejecting complainer” complains as a way to seek help and support, but then rejects any help that’s offered. Whenever anyone tries to make a constructive suggestion
— “Why don’t you try…?” or “You could…?” — the help-rejecter insists that the advice is useless. In fact, help-rejecting complainers sometimes seem proud to be beyond help.
People often find help-rejecters annoying because first, the help-rejecter wants constant attention and two, it’s very frustrating when attempts at help are constantly refused.
If you’re facing a help-rejecting complainer, it can be useful just to realize this category of behavior. If you’re dealing with a help-rejecter, don’t expect to make any headway by dreaming up creative new suggestions. Don’t wear yourself out.
As always, with happiness, the secret is mindfulness. Whether as a help-giver and help-getter, it’s useful to step back from any particular conversation and to look for broader patterns of behavior, especially when interactions with a particular person always seem to end unhappily.

Don’t be a “help-rejecting complainer” be a “help-accepting complainer” and attend tonights community forum at Kennedy Elementary @ 6pm. Get the answers to your questions from the people that know. If you have a complaint or problem follow that up with a solution.

At a minimum come see all the positive things this School District is doing for our children.





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